The Big Lessons I learned in 2006

Some of these are things I already knew (and you’ve heard me talk about) but I needed illustrated for me, and some are things that I only fully realized this year. Do with this what you will, but I figured you might be able to benefit from my experiences.

1) There are only two basic emotions and everything goes back to these two. They are fear and love. Both are very powerful and whichever one you focus on will bring you more of the same. This is obvious to anyone who knows about the Universal Law of Attraction that states that whatever you put your energy into will come back to you (usually three-fold). For example, a man who worries that his marriage is suffering and his wife is cheating on him with a mutual friend will eventually CAUSE his marriage to suffer (and may or may not incite his previously-faithful wife to have an affair). In the example I am thinking of, that’s EXACTLY what happened: The wife got tired of being punished for something she hadn’t done, there were obvious problems in the marriage, and so she decided to have that affair. Obviously, I am oversimplifying things here, but the point is that life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Someone wise (I think it may have been Henry Ford) once said “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” Focusing on the fear both corroborates events and circumstances that will justify that fear, and it will bring MORE fear-based events and circumstances into your life. However, focusing on the love will bring more loving people and situations into your life.
As Buddha said, “We are that we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” Let’s make a world full of love!

I have been incredibly blessed to have such wonderful, loving people in my life. I have the best friends in the world. I choose to consistently focus on the love, and it IS a choice: One made daily. It’s not effortless, but like anything, it does get easier with practice.

2) There are no ordinary moments. Live in the now! There is something magical happening in every moment, even if you don’t know immediately what that noteworthy thing is. It’s all fine and dandy to plan for the future (and as someone who is SO goal oriented, I would still say it’s a necessary thing), but this moment is all you really have. And this one. And this one. There are no real promises, and no real guarantees. The only thing you really have, besides your memories (which don’t reflect you you are now, but who you were in the past), is this moment. It’s up to you to make the most of it.

Rushing through life simply causes us to miss the important moments along the way. You’ve probably often heard “It’s the journey that counts: not the destination.” Life is not a destination: it’s a path, and one that frequently meanders and loops around. There are no shortcuts. This has been a tough lesson for me because I am so goal-oriented, and I constantly find myself trying to center myself in the moment instead of planning ahead, but I find that I get more out of life when I DO stop to smell the flowers, and watch the sun set and see the lights twinkling over the city. Life feels richer and fuller when you take the time to enjoy the presents (in the present).

3) There is no such thing as failure (except maybe deciding not to try). If events don’t unfold according to the vision you had planned, it doesn’t mean that you failed: it simply means that circumstances took on a life of their own. It gives you feedback about how to NOT do things next time.

When you create a vision of how you want things to unfold, when you are so attached to a specific outcome, if things don’t go exactly as planned, you just end up disappointed. It’s much better to manifest certain aspects or experiences to your life, while remaining open to HOW those things will be fulfilled. It is much better to say “I want a job with XYZ characteristics that makes me feel LMNOP,” rather than saying I want THIS title at THIS company. You may end up with the title and the company, but still not happy because you are missing aspects of the workplace that you really do need to be happy.

Challenges are opportunities for learning and growth. As Marianne Williamson said, “We will be given every opportunity to learn through joy, and when we deny ourselves that, we will learn through pain. But we will learn.” What you may think of as failure is simply a chance to learn (albeit through pain). But since learning through joy feels so much better, why not focus on that instead?

4) It doesn’t matter what other people say: It only matters what you know to be your own personal truth. I’ve gone through a lot this year that other people cringed to see me have to experience. They care about me and saw me in a situation where I wasn’t happy, but wasn’t willing to do anything to change it, and it frustrated them. I couldn’t handle the constant judgments so I pulled back from a lot of my friends, and only when I HAD changed my situation could I resume contact with them. A lot of them took it personally, and it really had more to do with me and how I was feeling rather than anything about them. I know now how to let people know that it is fine for them to have their opinions but that my life is MY process and I will go through it at my own pace. They can’t rush me, and they can’t protect me from the experiences I need to grow as a person (and there have been many this year, but I have also grown a great deal). Don’t let anyone rush you through your processes (and yes, life IS a process).

I have tried to be less judgmental since this experience. Friends use to come to me for advice and now I try to give less advice and talk someone through what they feel is right for them. I’ve become a better listener as a result, which in turn makes me a better friend.

And finally:
5) Total love, understanding and acceptance can only come from within. Look to yourself to fulfill these needs. If you are constantly looking to other people to tell you that you are worthy (and you ARE!), then you will be on an emotional see saw. Some days (when people are lavishing love and compliments upon you) you’ll feel great, but the days where the people in your life are having a rough day, or less expressive about how wonderful you are, you will feel drained and less confident. It’s always best to retain control of your life and your emotional well-being. Don’t hand that control over to someone else. Only YOU can make you happy, and you can do that all by yourself. You don’t need anyone else present to do that for you (and indeed, if you can’t make yourself happy, no one else can truly please you). Come be happy with me! Like approaching life with an attitude of love, it is a decision you make each day. Make that choice, and let’s dance off into the twilight, happy and full of love.

Many blessings for the new year, my friends. Happy holidays! I love you all! <3

The Little Black Dress

In a season when most people are struggling to stave off (or lose) holiday body weight, I am concentrating on losing dead emotional weight. I'm lightening the luggage if you will. I don't need the self-doubt or the fear, so I'll just remove those from my suitcase. I'll also take out limiting beliefs, hurt and anger. Oh how much lighter my bags feel! I had forgotten.

Life is like a grand vacation, destination unknown. It's so much easier to change courses quickly when all you carry is love, light, and joy. They take up hardly any room and I never run out. The biggest challenge is leaving the darker emotions behind me at each stop. Those are souveniers I definitely don't need, nor do I want.

It was too emotionally taxing to carry that old crap around. I'm cleaning out the garage and tossing everything that no longer serves me. That's not to say that I will forever remain perfectly serene (as one friend recently told me I seem), but simply that I will choose to only keep what makes me feel good. I know that this will be a continual process, but I also know that, like anything else, focusing on the positive gets easier with time. I am powerful beyond measure!

No sane woman hangs on to clothing in which they look and feel like crap (especially when they have other clothing options). I am simply tossing the old rags and keeping only that which makes me feel shiny, happy, JOYFUL. Why wear rags when you can wear something that conforms to your body and showcases your best assets?

We have the power to shape our realities. We can make anything we want happen if we really believe. By concentrating on lugging anger and betrayal and pain and fear with us from journey to journey, we lose sight of the happiness and the love. It's like neglecting the little black dress in your closet that makes you look and feel like a million bucks in favor of wearing something scratchy and painful, like a burlap sack. Don't we all deserve to feel like a million dollars? I have a secret: We don't need an LBD to do so. We can simply CHOOSE to be that way. And sure, it takes practice. We might look down after donning the little black dress of love and gratitude and realize that we are once again cloaked in the burlap sack of negativity, but we can continue to choose to put the LBD on and throw out the burlap sack.

I invite you to make this choice with me. Let's choose to feel good. Let's choose to love. Let's choose to be happy. And they are choices; ones which you will have to make daily, but you are capable of making that choice.

As Buddha said, "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world."

Let's make a loving, joyful world full of light.

I love you all!